2.5# Burrito

Food is my friend.

I have a really great relationship with food.

In fact I would say I love food. 

It brings me nourishment when my body needs it, joy when I am able to share it with others, and comfort when I am feeling down.

While that last one is not the greatest reason to love food, it is present even though it should not be,  and I do not deny it.

Today we had Q'doba catered to us at work.  Food being brought in is a common occurrence in our office.  The vendors of the amazing cancer fighting drugs like to treat us.......daily.  Today was burritos, taco salads, chips, salsa, and brownies.  

After lunch one of the doctors I work with got onto a scale and then someone handed him one of the burritos. 

He got off and turned around to our expectant faces.

I asked, "How much?"

He responded smiling, "2.5 pounds."

"Oh my lord!"  I exclaimed.  Yes, I had eaten an entire burrito.

I rocked that burrito.

I rocked it to sleep in my belly.

He laughed.

I said "Can you see the guilt on my face?"

He laughed, then said, "Well I had a burrito, a salad, chips and salsa."

It only made me feel a little better. 

I love food. 

 However, I have an issue with portion sizing.  I think most of America does. I blame this on the restaurants who serve ginormous portions to Americans who grew up learning to clear our plate because "there are starving kids in China."  (No joke I was told this at the dinner table, sorry Peter.)   Then our bellies grow accustomed to having that much food when really we only need to eat as much as we can fit into he palm of our hand.

I watched the movie "You again"  the other day. In the movie one of the characters is on a fad diet that you blind-fold yourself and rely on your gut to tell you when you are full rather than your eyes.  The character claimed to have lost almost 10 pounds in a few weeks.  

I wonder if that would work.  I can imagine the incredible mess it would make. 

The point is that I know I need to think more about portion sizing when I am getting my plate.  More times than not my "eye are bigger than my tummy". 

I will now go on a walk. 

Defined as "Mom"

Carter had an awesome time at Grandma and Grandpa's.  He played with  Uncle M's  Thomas the Tank Engine  train set constantly, ate copious amounts of sugar (which may explain the lack of naps a couple of those days) and  had a great time bonding with everyone. 

I did fine.

Peter and I had a couple date nights.  We tried a  restaurant we had never been to, that was highly recommended by friends called "Bread & Cup".   It was delicious.  They have a very unique menu arranged around ingredients available locally.  We saw the movie "Crazy Stupid Love".  I am a fan of Emma Stone, I think she has great comedic timing and is adorable.  Ryan Gosling is hot in this movie by the way.  We did not feel rushed, we relaxed during dinner and enjoyed the movie.   It was wonderful getting to spend some alone time with Peter.    

However, it was an "On the Job Training" experience for me having Carter gone.  I basically felt like I had to re-trian myself on how to be someone other than "Mom" and how to do things without a toddler under foot.  The last couple years have been all about taking care of little man. When he was not there, I felt a little lost.  I also got tasks completed at alarming speeds.  It made me wonder.......

Have I let being a mom define who I am?

I have to admit that when an events/opportunities come up I question how or in what way it will effect Carter.  What needs to be done or not be done with regards to the kiddo?  Is that a bad thing?

 I think not.

Maybe, I need to find a balance.  I will work on this and let you know.  

Now that I have experienced being away from Carter overnight, it will happen more often...........but not anytime soon.

I  missed him a lot!

By the time we got up there on Saturday to spend the rest of the long weekend and pick him up, he looked like he had grown 2 inches and is now speaking in paragraphs instead of sentences...... and driving!

Not really but for the dramatic effect, it sounds good.

He gave us both big hugs and his room brightening smile.  He was just as happy to see us as we were to see him.   He was equally excited to see our dog Tai. he chased him around the room until Tai submitted to a toddler pat on the back. 

In the end there was only trauma for Momma, which I knew would be the case.  When it comes down to it we need lessons like this to make us better parents.  The kids need it too.

Separation Anxiety

Not Carter..........me!

My mantra this week is,  "I will be fine. I will be fine."

We have no daycare this week. Our wonderful daycare provider is taking a much needed week off, even though she is missing them all terribly.  


I took Monday - Wednesday off and Grandma and Grandpa E. are watching him the rest of the week.  This is the first time he has been away from me over night.   He has been away from Dad over night numerous times.  The first time was when he was only a few weeks old because our furnace in our house went kaput and was leaking carbon monoxide.  I packed him up quicker than I have ever packed for an extended stay and we took off for my Mom's house, with no idea when we would be returning. 
  
I took Carter up there on Sunday night and spent a few days playing golf and helping my Mom around the house.  Then Wednesday came along and after a rough night in which Carter did not sleep well, I was truly not looking forward to leaving.  

We got up at our normal time and ate some breakfast, then Mom took over and I went back to bed for a while before I needed to leave. My nap was interrupted by a couple texts and phone calls and decided to just get up and get moving.  I got myself ready and packed up my suitcase.  Carter woke up from a morning nap crabby as a bear.  He was hungry.  So I got him some lunch and joined him before I left.

The moment arrived and I had been telling myself to not cry until  you leave.

That did not happen.

I told him "Goodbye" and gave him a big hug and kisses.  I lost it when I was walking out the door.  Then he stood with my Mom on the driveway saying, "Bye! Bye!" as I pulled out of the driveway tears streaming down my face. 

I cried hard for the first 4 blocks of the trip until I got to a Stop sign and pulled myself together.  The first leg of the 2 hour drive consisted of small bursts of tears when I thought about Carter.  I tried to distract myself a little bit by calling my dad but, he could not talk long.

I called my Mom's 30 minutes into the drive with the excuse that I had not said goodbye to my stepfather, which was true.   My leaving was more of a "get going while you still have the nerve" quickness. So I said goodbye to him and then asked how Carter was doing. 

He was fine.

I hung up the phone and cried a little and continued my journey.

I made it home and called again.  He was great playing with his uncle Mason or "MayMay" as Carter calls him.  I hung up and did not cry!  I got busy doing the things that I needed to do, which went surprisingly quickly.  I had forgotten how much you can accomplish without having to constantly check on a wee one.

Doesn't make this any easier.   

A co-worker said that I needed to look at this way.   First she asked me if I had spent time with my Grandparents when I was little? 

Yes of course!  I took trips with them,  spent weeks at a time with them.  Mom would come to get me and I would want to stay longer!  So this is great for Carter, he will love it!  

I will be fine.

She also said that He needs to get used to this because, he will do it more as he gets older. 

It will be good for us both. 

Very true R.  You are wise.

I will be fine.

I miss him.

I will be fine.